dscarface

In her entry commenting our first ever meeting, my best friend Bea called me a priest. Of course this raised an eyebrow, but I could understand the analogy. Priests supposedly carry the burdens of other people, and disregard their own needs for the sake of caring for their flock. While there is a grain of truth in this analogy, I only have 2 problems with it:

1. I'm not a priest.
2. Priests, however noble, have their needs too.

I wasn't even supposed to write this entry, on account of my laziness of writing new entries, but I am again going through some things that push me to do so, as a sort of release.

Now, on to the matter on hand. I'm not going to go into details, but I can say that the status quo of my relationships with girls close to me remain upheld.

I can get close, but not close enough. 

Ever since the days of the-one-whose-name-I've-mentioned-too-many-times-already I've always preferred a closeness wherein the girl could be as open to me as possible, personified by the position of best friend. I've learned through experience that there is a little snag in my theory: What if I love her and she doesn't reciprocate?

All of the succeeding problems and heartaches come from that very significant snag. I being of the jealous kind would find it difficult listening to stories or problems relating to her lovelife because that would make me reflect on my own, bringing pain to me as well. But of course I will never be in the position to voice my own heartache, because that would be selfish, so I would listen to the heaviest metal I can find and headbang my frustrations away, all so I can keep being there for her, because that's supposed to be my job.

Of course this does not ease the frustration. But if my help proves beneficial for her, then I have no right to complain, and continue taking it all in, like I always have and hope that one day, I will find Her.

As I have said to myself many time, all the sacrifices I have made for all the girls I have ever spent my time on will all come back to me when I find bliss in Her.

Quote for the day: "I'm the ship without the storm, the cold inside the warm." ~ Dio - The Last in Line

Currently feeling: SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEET