"Good God Almighty," Juan Silayan kept thinking to himself as their bus rolled down Taft Avenue. From what he glanced as the girl strolled down the bus he could already tell that she was a beautiful mestiza girl and about 5'6" in height, of which he was thankful for, since he had a very weird preference for petite girls, considering he's a plump 6'1". Through all his years in riding buses he noticed that girls usually preferred to have their space in the bus when sitting beside a male on the two-seater, and he would respect that with unusual devotion considering how he would cram himself into the small bus seats of the Philippines when a girl sits beside him, or when HE WANTS a girl to sit beside him.

But of course, there are the exceptions. Many a time there have been where a girl would particularly snuggle up close to him, even though he would compress himself. Most of the time it's just that. But there were times where both were feeling a little lonely and hot under the collar, and as Juan's clique would usually say...

"'Pag gusto, bigyan."

This one was snuggling up against him. This one would not be one of those times.

Not much is of his methods is known, but it does involve trying to coerce a reaction from the girl in a way discreetly enough so that she might shrug it off as accidental and strong enough if she does want it. Usually the reaction would be clear, whether she likes it or doesn't, but this would be a day of many uncertainties for our young protagonist. Sometimes she would pull herself away, as if she didn't like it, and other times she came even closer...

"Goddamnit make up your mind," Juan would say to himself as he tried to assess the situation. But all of a sudden, as the bus started riding over the EDSA flyover near the Heritage Hotel, he stopped in his tracks and began to reflect on a question that always rips through his chest.

"What's it like to hold a girl in your arms?"

Pity, really. He knows all to well how it feels like to have a girl in his arms. But it's been a long while since he's felt the warmth of a woman. A feeling familiar yet foreign at the same time. Many times he thinks that he doesn't deserve to feel it again, but at the same time he yearns for it. He's a man who does not easily forgive, even if it has to be himself.

~To be continued~

Quote for the day: "Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you." ~ The Carpenters - Close to You

It's the holiday season again, and I've never really written an entry about my 'holiday spirits.' But first and foremost I have to share my experiences about a phase in my academic life for a dear friend who happens to be going through the same challenges.

-o0o-

I had experienced one of the greatest shockers in my life when I received my course cards for ALGTRIG and COMPRO1. 1st year. 1st term. 1st taste of failure. I was promptly shot down from my perch high in the academic sky.

But it was more than a slap to the face, it was a wake-up call.

During the following rest period between terms I had a lot of thinking to do. For years I had followed what people wanted me to do, what people thought was the best for me. But it was apparent that what they wanted wasn't really working out.

There's a saying, "if you want something done right you gotta do it by yourself." That should be modified into a more correct statement, "if you want it done your way you gotta do it by yourself." My dad made it real simple when he was reprimanding me for my irresponsibility, "kung yang basics eh binagsak mo, pa'no pa kaya yung majors?" Right then and there I knew that Computer Science was not going to be my calling. My only regret is that I had to fall down before I could realize that.

I had to course choices on where to shift, either AB-CAM or AB-ISE. So what I did was I retook ALGTRIG and COMPRO1 and set out changing my course. It would be meaningless if I would continue to take my majors, so for the next terms all I took were floating subjects. My primary course was to be AB-CAM, but since I was careless I didn't take precautionary measures and apply for AB-ISE as a backup if I didn't make it. Of course I didn't as AB-CAM is one of the hardest courses to shift into, primarily because of the fact the people don't shift out of it. I was delayed another term, and told myself that if I still didn't get accepted I will go on with my then current course, CS-ST. Of course we all know how that ended. Mufufufufufufu...

This shifting gave me a fresh start. It may have delayed me for at least a year, but the experiences and new friends that this has given me was all or worth it, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.

-o0o-

Ah, it's the holidays again, time for good cheers and cold beers. But unusually, I'm at my most depressed when it's the holiday season, contrasted by a sudden surge of energy when New Year's eve comes, because of the raucous of the fireworks. The reason why I'm so down every time Christmas comes along is quite apparent, with songs like 'Pasko Na Sinta Ko' particularly hitting sensitive nerves. This Christmas I still have no one special to share it. I could go on and babble about how I feel about these things, but I won't bother, sometimes it's just tiring. Oh well, that's life.

-o0o-

I guess this'll be all, I'm planning more entries highlighting this term's major events.

Quote for the day: "50% epic, 50% lol, 50% legend. That's 150% motherfucker." ~ random 4chan meme

Currently feeling: tenenenen~

I dreamed of her. Again. This is the 4th dream I've had about her, about Jillian. Ever since I truly forgave the 2 worst heartaches of my life (along with Gene) at the epic LASARET we had in Rizal, I thought the dreams would stop. But hell no. Through all 4 of my dreams about her there was one common factor: we were in-love.

Goddamnit.

Quote for the day: "A little fight now and then does make life more interesting, don't you think?" ~ Dante, Devil May Cry 4 

Currently feeling: SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~