I miss you. Yes. Of all the people that I should be missing, it had to be you. You who made what should've been the best days of my life to some of the worst. You who showed me the meaning of anger and restraint, of hate and, unavoidably, love.

It's been a while since someone has gotten me really angry. Somehow I miss the days that I would wonder in despair on why you discriminated me. I miss the days when you would discreetly throw insults my way, and I, being the observant one, would always catch it. I miss the days when I would reflect on where we went wrong, from being near lovers to the most mortal of enemies.

I can still remember the first birthday you spent in our school. I tire to share it, but I hope you still remember how you were letting me guess if it was indeed your birthday or not.

I can still remember the second birthday you spent in our school, when apparently all was still well, when I slipped that bracelet into your bag.

I can still remember the final birthday you spent in our school, with anger the only thing in my mind, I refused to greet you, but my heart would in secret.

I miss those days. Not because of what happened. It's because you were a part of those memories, no matter how painful.

I miss you, old friend. Happy birthday. 

Quote for the day: "Now do we desire the Superman to live" ~ Friedrich Nietzsche - Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Part I, Section XXII,3

Currently feeling: lol

"I think I'll be going home early today," Juan Silayan thought to himself as his classes ended on a warm Monday afternoon.

"God damned philosophy class," he muttered to himself as he walked through the halls of the Miguel building of De La Salle University - Manila, "it was much more fun when Ms. Velasco was teaching it." Ms. Velasco would always make philosophy much more fun than it would usually be, but at the price of your belief in organized religion and brain-busting tests, which Juan happily paid.

He would usually wait for some friends before going home, making the trip much more merrier, but he had to go home early, as he had to read some lessons so he can stay awake in his cruelly boring philosophy class.
He hoped he would be able to at least pick some ideas up so he won't look like a douche when he gets called for recitation. But by the end of the day that would be the least of his concerns.

He likes riding on the newer buses on his way home on his belief that they're faster compared to the older ones. To his luck, right after exiting EGI Taft Tower a relatively new Altransco bus makes a U-turn right near Gokongwei Hall, all empty and ready to pick up eager beaver students who want to go home.

He sits near the back as he likes sitting in the back area, especially when with friends. Soon enough students start flocking and is starting to become full. He always hopes that some pretty girl would sit beside him, he isn't a pervert, but there is this strong desire for female companionship that is deeply rooted in a lonely past. He isn't too good-looking, in the classical sense, but his confidence and the aura he exudes, along with a certain bigheartedness would make him really attractive, but he would not sacrifice his personal values to be like everyone else, something that he will never do, no matter how desperate he is to find love.

Today is really his lucky day. A mestiza girl wearing the DLSU jogging pants finds her way to the seat beside him. In the past he would think of something inappropriate, well, boys will be boys. But recently he's changed his views due to some bad karma. In any urge to think of something naughty he would counter with his mighty mantra.

I am blessed today I shall not ask for more...

I am blessed today I shall not ask for more...

I am blessed today I shall not ask for more...

Though in his heart he yearned for so much more. But little did he know his prayers of half a decade would finally be answered...

~To be continued~

Quote for the day: "You'll behold his countless wonders, the GOD OF THUNDER, MIGHTY THOOOOOOOR~~!!!" - 1966 Thor cartoon opening 

Currently feeling: SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET

It is not hidden from many people that I have an extreme distaste for the music that now dominates the airwaves. Many a time have I wondered what shielded me from these genres, namely hip-hop, punk, and whatever genre they call it when the artists look like they haven't slept and eaten for a week and cut themselves for God knows what reason. Emo, is it? Whatever.

Back in my day...

I wasn't born a metalfag, and there were many moments in my musical existence that I'm not exactly proud of. But it all started when I was still a little boy of no more than 10 years old. When our house was being renovated we were forced to all live in our parents' room. I can vividly remember studying for my quarterly exams when my sister would play Metallica's 'The Unforgiven II' over and over and over again. It was rock, but I liked it. Thus lay the foundation of the metalfag I am today.

I wasn't into music until I was in high school. I was already into rock, but not the rock that's as awesome as what I listen to today (Linkin Park? *facepalm*). But I was also into other things, namely hip-hop (facepalm). It all changed when 3rd year came about when I met my clique, lead by Bernard Macababat and Ralph Madarang, and showed me the full extent of the awesomeness of Metallica.

You can say that I had a Renaissance of sorts, and when 4th year came about, Roger Aggraviador showed me the awesomeness of Metallica's rival band Megadeth, and I was introduced to the world of instrumentals the day I first heard about Yngwie Malmsteen, Joe Satriani and Steve Vai. This musical renaissance of sorts was further bolstered when I joined our high school chorale.

But when college rolled about somehow I was starting to feel one of the great criticisms of heavy metal. There were a lot of bands that sounded the same. I was craving for something new, thus I started to use the power of da intarwebs to find new bands. This search was fruitful, as I discovered a shitload of awesome bands, new and old. Also because of a certain friend that I keep on talking about here in my blog I got into jazz, which effectively gave me a direction to look for good music outside of heavy metal.

Also when I got tired of listening to my MP3's, I rediscovered the power of the radio. It's not all shitty music, it's about finding the right station and I found mine in Crossover 105.1, Jam 88.3 and Dream 106.7 who plays the coolest jazz and RJ 100.3 that got me into them old songs. NU 107.5 plays some good stuff from time to time but I find it extremely saturated with the music I would like to avoid at all costs.

Now, if you would like to put my general music preferences in terms of time, I like the music from the early 90's down. Even classical, but I draw the line with medieval music. But this would prove ineffective as recently I have discovered that people still do make good music in the present. It's like finding pearls, if you search hard enough and long enough, you're bound to find something good. To make a more accurate description of my tastes, I would have to say music that uses its instruments to its greatest and most artistic capacity, music that actually requires to skill to play and be great at, say jazz and metal.

Until now I find my music continually evolving, as I find myself not to be the lone metalfag I used to think I am.

The price of quality

In my search for the music I love, I found myself dismayed with the music stores here in the Philippines, as most of the time all they sell are the ones they want to sell and are selling, even if it's not good at all. This made me take refuge in the wonders of the internet. Here's a list of what I've gotten that will RARELY if not NEVER reach a Philippine record bar.

• Van Halen
• Gerald Albright
• Ozzy Osbourne
• Earl Klugh
• Grover Washington Jr.
• Liqiud Tension Experiment
• Megadeth (sad compared that they sell Metallica here)
• Kamelot
• Rodrigo Y Gabriela
• Marty Friedman's solo efforts (kung wala Megadeth siya pa kaya)
• Dio
• Andy Mckee
• Andy Timmons
• Yngwie Malmsteen
• Steve Vai
• Stratovarius
• Symphony X
  

The treasures of my hard collection consists of:

• The Joe Satriani Anthology I somehow got by luck in Robinsons Manila
  
• The Yngwie Malmsteen collection I got from my mom in the US

I found this really good site that sells a lot of good CD's from good guitar instrumentalists. It's just it uses PayPal and requires a credit card, something I don't think I'll ever have. Also it's paid in dollars, making it somehow harder to pay. I would love to buy legit but again raises one of my arguments supporting piracy.

Prices are fucking higher here in the Philippines than the retail prices abroad. I would love to buy originals, but do lower the fucking prices and not just banning CD burning and raiding stalls rather than raiding the fucking factories themselves. You're just doing what companies want you to do and making life a little more of a bitch for the consumer. You just showed your inability to influence companies and make a compromise. Government intervention my ass. Score one for the dependency theorists.

Though the music industry as I see it today is full of fail, I'm glad that there are still gems out there. It's just like the culture of the Philippines, through all the shit and trash, if you dig deep enough, you'll find diamonds.

A Final Note

Sometimes I think that my consciousness was born much earlier, I feel as if I really don't belong to my batch, especially music wise. But I am happy that many of my friends have the same mentality as I have. As long as there's people like us... NO ONE CAN DESTROY THE METAL!!!

Quote for the day: "On the starless skies all love must die." ~ Symphony X - Paradise Lost