Of all the dreams that I could dream, of all dreams I could remember, it had to be a dream of HER. Which 'her' you ask? THE 'her' my dear reader. Her who made me taste a little bit of heaven then continued to drag me twice over to hell. Her who, through all my successes in high school, made me want to bury 3 of those years like a nightmare that kept on repeating itself every night. Discrimination, anger, hatred, disappointment, patience, perseverance, love, hope, reconciliation, and forgiveness, all associated with one name. I haven't exactly gotten over her, obviously, but that's one of the curses of a good memory, and one of the curses of one who forgives but does not forget.

Yet, curiously, I would rather wear my heart's scars than cover them with silk.

-o0o-

Just when I was approaching the stairs which I climb everyday to our room, I was poured on with a white liquid, when I looked up, I saw her laughing hysterically while holding a pail, white liquid dripping from it. I remember feeling an anger so intense, one that I know so well. When I first felt that anger, I knew I was capable of killing.

-o0o-

Killing. Throughout much of history, the taking another human life has been seen as something that is bad, evil, brutal. But with these supposed moral restrictions, why is this still very much alive in the world today? From what I see, it is the result of humans being pushed to the extremes.

Whether be it one end of the emotional spectrum or the other, once you reach the extremes, temptation to kill is very strong. But today's society has put limits and prevents us from reaching this with teachings of love and harmony, but these extremes, which I so lovingly call limiter removers, are very much reachable.

-o0o-

I was still fuming from what she did earlier when by some chance she passes by. Our eyes meet, and I give her the 'you-come-into-my-reach-I'm-gonna-fucking-kill-you-you-son-of-a-bitch' look. But she apparently doesn't understand and comes near me. I was about to jump her when she takes my hand. To dumbfounded to resist, she drags me to one of the grade school rooms.

I can remember profoundly what I was thinking while she was dragging me over to the grade school room, though I didn't talk to her there. 'What the fuck was she doing?', first I thought. She dumps some liquid on me then she takes my hand like we were some sort of.. something?

But her hand, I know how it feels so well, her small fingers unusually meshing perfectly with mine. I once spent many a day trying to avoid the eyes of authority while holding those hands, dreaming that one day I may be able to hold them for all the world to see.

But of course we all know how that ended.

-o0o-

I've already reached mine, with what I experienced in high school, I can make myself morally void if the situation calls for it, therefore being capable of so much more.

We all have them, these limits and limiter removers, of course one's limits differ from person to person. You can deny it all you want, but in the end you will, at a certain point in your life, see yourself going crazy with all the things happening in your life, and you will decide whether to keep on the path of conformity or join us in the dark side.

Search your feelings, you know it to be true.

-o0o-

We reach the room, and not to my surprise there were students in said room. What I was wondering about was that she didn't care if there were students with us, as they all just sat there. We found two seats, still holding hands, then she starts talking to me. I can't remember what we were discussing then, but I think she was trying to appease me for what she did earlier. Being the softee that I am, I forgive her and we kiss. Why we did, I had no fucking idea. We just did. Just in time to see that my former home skills teacher was beside us the entire time.

*wakes up*

"Jesus Christ, it just had to be her."

-o0o-

So what has this limit break given my life? A sort of freedom, a freedom that sparked the philosophical journey that peaked in my INTPHIL class. Somehow, the situation of the world today really is a reflection of Eastern philosophy. The world may deny it, but each and every one of us has both a light and dark side, and we choose which side we flourish on, whether be it to suffer ignorance and focus on one side or have a healthy dish of both, we choose for ourselves and no one else.

As for her, I feel that I have truly forgiven her, hell, I even miss her from time to time. It's just that when I have these relapses I remember why I am like this today. Even though she gave me hell, I have a lot to thank her for. I wouldn't be as strong as I am today if it weren't for her. Also these relapses will forever remind me that I must always be vigilant, tearing old wounds open to remind me that the world does not forgive.

Quote for the day: "By Khorne, it will be done!" ~ Khorne Berserkers

Currently feeling: SHIEEEEEEEEEEEET

So, the school year has already started, and my journey through the tumultuous territory called college continues. My schedule is just fine, as I can play without fucking classes. Most of the time, my time in the classroom is made of win. Here's the 1st term experience so far.

STAT101 (Statistics 101)
MWF 1030 - 1130

I adjusted my previous schedule to get into this statistics class for two reasons. One is to finish the classes wherein I must enroll at the vice-dean's office because of my shiftee status. And the more important, as I earlier thought, to be with someone who I thought I actually had a chance with, and pursue her and possibly win her heart. It was a gamble though, most people dread statistics, but I always had a heart for the maths, even though I barely escaped calculus under Anita Ong (if I were to retake ANMATH1, I'd still prefer to have her as my teacher). I knew what I was getting into, and asked for the blessing of my mom in the US.

But alas, circumstances, something which I heavily rely on when it comes to girls, have turned against me. To put it all in a nutshell, like what I said to one of my friends..

Putang ina, iba talaga 'pag tisoy ang kalaban mo. 

I smelled Sven turning the corner and backed off. Maso ng pag-ibig aside, STAT101 is turning out to be the funnest hour of my entire schedule. Our professor, Arturo Pacificador, is a really fun professor, and also statistics is so much more involved with the real world. But of course I still think that I won't have it easy.

Expected grade: 1.0++

BIOARTS (Biology for the Arts)
WF 1030 - 1130

At first I thought that this would be somehow like 2nd year biology, where we would study genetics and taxonomy and whatnot, but when I found out the scope of BIOARTS, I just went.. WTF? 

Fitness and wellness? Just.. WTF? Our professor is somehow fun, since he is a former student here. But his method of teaching, flat out dictation, makes this the longest hour of my 1st term. Add the fact that I have a classmate that keeps on yapping and just won't stop. Just.. WTF?

Expected grade: 3.0++

LBYBIOL (Biology Laboratory)
F 230 - 530

Yes, a lab class to go along with a class that deals with fitness and wellness. Brilliant, just brilliant. Whoever thought of that must have had a very boring academic life to want to pass this on to the future of this country. Good thing our professor is a medical practitioner, though he's the last doctor I want to see, since he works in the ER. XD

INTRECO (Introduction to Economics)
TH 940 - 1110

The last course I have to take before I can get my majors. Though at first I really did not approve because of the somewhat mundane system that encourages teamwork. In short we were sort into houses, yes, just like the Harry Potter series, and works in a very similar fashion. I was sent to Ravenclaw, and James '123abc' Chua was sent over to Hufflepuff.

Of course those in Slytherin and Gryffindor were the ones.. 'most amuzed' over this system. Curiously enough, during the 'Battle of the Houses', Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were tied for the most points while the other 2 were pounded with minuses to submission.

I'm also liking the name my prof keeps on calling me with, JC. 

Expected grade: 2.5++ (kailangan eh)

LITERA2 (Literature of the World)
TH 800 - 930

Following the awesomeness of LITERA1, LITERA2 is turning out to be somehow a disappointment. The activities are somewhat out there, as for every literary work we have group work, most of the time the activity itself is boring, but when you have 3 Netopianoids in one group (me, James, and Anton) there's bound to be mayhem. Also, RELSTWO classmates Lu and Patbear also join the fray, so a lot of familiar faces to make the class easier.

Expected grade: 4.0

So, that's about it. Things can only become more hectic as the term progresses.

Quote for the day: "Damn you sir, you will try." ~ Spock, Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

Currently listening to: SHIEEEEEEEEEEEEEET