Now Playing: The Blessed Hellride - Black Label Society

Currently feeling: dodongy

dscarface

Today I can feel the drag of the term on myself and all my classmates as today was very much a lazy and offbeat day. This will very much be the opposite of things starting tomorrow, as I will devote my entire weekend to finishing school work that will be due next week. EUROFOR on Friday, GENDERS on Saturday, and RESMETH on Sunday. Whoop-dee-fucking-doo.

Today was a pretty normal day, although Sir Molmisa did give us a pep talk of sorts since we were soon to graduate. It reminded me of how much a nice guy he really is. Other than that I'm starting to feel all drowsy all the time again. I can't think straight and I'm sleepy all the time. I need that vacation if I'm to recover properly, almost there damn it.

I miss Andy, I really do. If I don't do something else to keep my mind occupied, it'll eventually wander to her. I wonder how she's doing, if she's still taking her breaks, if she's gotten sick again, if she misses me too. I hope I can last the three weeks, because this is driving me nuts.

But of course I carry on, because I know at the end there'll be someone waiting for me.

Quote for the day: "I'm blind not deaf." ~ Illidan Stormrage

dscarface

So fine, I wasn't able to write an entry yesterday. XD I'm writing this in Netopia btw, I'm supposed to go home early so I can start on my part of our EUROFOR project. But, the weavings of the universe always find a way to delay me, my friend was treating us to some Yellow Cab and of course, I wasn't able to resist. So here I am waiting for my friend so we can go home early enough for me to start something.

Last night Andy was online, but of course we didn't talk, as per the rules of our challenge. We agreed that we could use our status messages to act as a ploy to get the other to give in, but that didn't happen. I miss her a lot already.

What am I afraid of? I'm afraid that I might lose her. Why am I afraid? Now that's gonna be a lot of answers. Because I can say she's the unpredictable one of our pair. She is the one who's not yet ready to enter a relationship, therefore opening the window for others to take her away from me. But even more than that, I'm worried that I might not do enough to make her stay.

How sweet it will be when she gives me that genuine yes, since I would've gotten it because she was genuinely ready and, somehow I'd like to think that this time, I got it right.

Quote for the day: "If you really love me, then darling don't refrain. Or else I'll just end up walking in the cold November Rain" ~ Guns N' Roses - November Rain

dscarface

So after my overnight stay at Andy's house she handed me a little challenge, 'Trial Separation' she called it. We would not communicate to each other in any way, shape or form for 3 weeks. It was originally a month but I negotiated it down to 3 weeks since we won't have the time to meet if it were a month since our term would end. It wasn't the first time she suggested it to me and I had always turned it down then. This was because I was fearful that something bad might happen while we were separated. This isn't to say that I no longer afraid. On that contrary, I'm still very much afraid of losing Andy, espcially now that we're doing this. But for some reason, I feel fear and excitement at the same time. Of course I'll be thinking more of the circumstances we are in now, but we agreed to write a blog entry everyday until we meet again, after which we will read each other's entries.

Today was just another normal day. Go to class, play in Netopia, go to class, play some more, then go home. My professor for GENDERS didn't show up, so woohoo for the free cut. XD The only thing that pissed me off today was the incompetent xerox lady at the 2nd floor of our library, inside the periodicals section. She was so damned slow it wasn't right anymore. Other than that it was like any other day. I wonder how Andy's doing?

Quote for the day: "You are not prepared." ~ Illidan Stormrage

dscarface

On my birthday Andy gave me a testimonial that truly touched me. I only see it fit to give her something back on the occasion of her special day.

I know how you feel about your birthday, especially this one. I'd like to think of birthdays not as reminders that we're getting older, but as reminders of how far we've come.

Andy, we have been through much through the times that we were truly close like now and even when we weren't. Now that we are like this I feel ashamed to not have been there for you when you needed it most, and unfortunately this was the time when we weren't talking to each other and you were in the most dire of straits. Now that I have been given the chance to be beside you I will never leave your side. I have often repeated this to you, but first and foremost I am and always will be your friend. We may have fights from time to time, but rest assured I will be there when all others have left.

You know have I have struggled with my insecurities, and I thank you for seeing me as I am. You know how I feel about you, and that we leave a lot of words unsaid, but I don't see this as a hindrance, as we tend to feel each other out. At the same time I feel we have very open lines of communication, as we are both unafraid to speak our minds so that issues may be resolved as they are brought into the open.

I know you've heard this rhetoric from me many times, but I would like to thank you. We've shared many a QQ session late at night over at YM and then some, and you've heard me bitch time and again about the hopelessness of my situation. As cheesy as this may seem, you gave me hope that I can believe in (inb4 Barack Obama), and you made me live once again.

You've accepted me for who I am with the entire packaging, with all my strengths and weaknesses. I don't have a list like you do of the things that I'm thankful for since meeting you. Frankly I wish I had, but if I were to consciously remember everything I fear it would take a long time. Right now I'm thankful for the simplest thing: that you're here. I am thankful that you're here with us, with me. I am thankful that I have someone to fallback on, someone to depend on, someone to trust, and most espcially, I am thankful that for once, I'm not alone anymore.

On this your special day I have a few wishes for you this year. In this unkempt road we call life, I wish you better health (take note on emphasis lol) and success in all your endeavors and not just in your career and the goals you have set for the year, but more importantly for your trials as you fight your personal demons and banish your spectres of the past. I am but a humble companion in your journey, but rest assured I will be by your side. I'd like to share a little something, my favorite poem...

Desiderata
Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Happy Birthday Andy and I'll see you soon. xoxo